Owning Your Stuff

In every aspect of our life from our work and career to health and finance, we experience what I call Road Blocks, or challenges. We find ourselves in a situation that places us miles away from our comfort zone of expertise and safety and suddenly we are stumbling through uncharted territory.

How the hell did we get ourselves into this mess? If only (insert name of person you want to blame) hadn't done what they did, I wouldn't be here right now. Is that a thought that runs through your mind as you navigate the land-mines hidden in this unknown place? Are you ticked off and actively directing your anger and frustration towards another? Is it eating at you?

For those of you who are pointing the finger at someone else, where is your role in landing yourself in an uncomfortable position? You didn't get there entirely on somebodies ride!Not to mention this doesn't have have to be as scary and daunting as you are allowing it to be. It could be a great opportunity to sharpen your skills, experience something new and exciting!

In the world of Coaching, we call this moment Being At Cause, or being Proactive. I like to call it Owning Your Stuff, or exercising your Personal Power. To sum it up, what it means is you are consciously aware of the choices you made that lead you to this point, and can evaluate if they were of benefit or not to yourself. Did eating that King Size Mars Bar really help you with your health goal? Did the choice to take a home made lunch to work three days a week really help you achieve a budget goal? It is the ability to take ownership of the choices you make, from the mundane choice of tea or coffee, flat or heels, skirt or pants, to which bank you choose, how you handle your boss, which subjects to study. All of these choices you make each and every day lead you down a path, and along the way you may find yourself questioning how you got there to begin with.

Decision making, and owning that decision is not always a clear cut science. Sometimes our choices really are difficult and require us to think on a higher level, and take many other factors into consideration. Other times, it's reasonably simple. If you struggle with indecision, it's probably linked to the fact you haven't been making choices that come from the heart and benefit you. They somehow don't align with what you value or believe in.

So how do you get around it and really own your stuff?
First of all, when we are able to recognize that we are dissatisfied and unfulfilled in some way, it is an 'alarm' that the choices you are making are not bringing you any joy. Recognizing that alarm is not always easy so look out for feelings of confusion, being lost, puzzlement, or procrastination. Notice them, acknowledge their presence and note it down.
Secondly, we begin to change what we do. What we have been doing up to this point hasn't been working, so we might as well change the approach and get a different result! Starting small is a fantastic way to build confidence and trust in yourself: begin with things like what you eat for breakfast, the clothes you wear, what music you listen to, or even how long you take a shower for. Small choices that you make now, will build your trust in yourself, and you will begin to notice what feels 'right' and good-you are taking the first steps to nurturing yourself!
Third, once we have practiced making small to medium level choices, we can begin to work on the larger ones. This might involve a higher level of thinking and taking alot into your considerations. It might be a choice of which car to buy, what neighborhood to live in, where to holiday, removing toxic people from your life, a career change, or something equally important to you. 
In order to reach this point, each time you make a choice, be aware of the physical and emotional response you have to it. For example, I myself experience a gut wrenching dread if I go against myself or make a decision that I know will not benefit me or anybody else. But when I make a choice that falls in line with my beliefs, values and desires I experience waves of happiness that encompass my whole being and I become excitable and full of positive energy. What reactions do you have?

Noting these responses will be of great help in making larger decisions and in taking ownership of your life...

The Tricks of Perception

For a few moments, lets imagine that we are all at a barbeque together, enjoying a few snags, burgers, can of fizzy and a salad. We're having a pretty nice day out, and someone suggests a game of backyard cricket=the winning team gets first go at the dessert table!

During the game, in an effort to make a catch you slam into someone else and tumble down hurting your neck, arm, shoulder and hip. Your best mate Jo is cracking up in fits of laughter at the folly, while your nursing your pride and sore bits. Embarressment takes hold and you decide to sit out the remainder of the game. Jo, in the meantime, seems to find the event beyond hilarious and it cements his belief that backyard cricket with his mates is a fun thing to do, while you decide otherwise. The same event, two different perspectives and interpretations.

So what is it about this single moment during a friendly game of cricket that pivots one persons beliefs, and reinforces the other? It all boils down to our perceptions and interpretations of the event in question. It was assigned a meaning that was determined by past experiences, environments both physical and social, and your current beliefs and values. For Jo, it cemented that cricket is a great way to have some fun and bond with his mates, while for you it was a physically painful humiliation you won't live down and will probably refuse to play again.

Let's say a more serious event occurs in your life. At some point, something clicked for you and you assigned it a meaning in your world. It helped to shape your viw of the world around you, and how you interact with it. What if we shifted that perception a little, just for a few moments? Let's pretend now that we see it from an outsiders perception, or from the other people involved.

Our entire existance is dependant on the way we interact with the world, and our perception of it. A person addicted to heroin sees their world in a completely different way than your grandmother does.

The lesson to remember is that your perceptions and interactions are not set in stone-they will alter naturally with your growth and life stages, but you can also shift them willingly if you want to. If you find that the way your currently going about your life isn't working, change your perception. The results you will see in a short time are dramatic and can be a catalyst for greatness!